A mulligan is a golf term for a do-over. I learned that from my husband who is a golf nut. From a family of golf nuts. Apparently, if you really eff up a tee shot (note the on-point golf lingo there!), some golfers will ask for and get a second chance to tee off.
We don’t get mulligans in life though, do we? There really is no way that I can ever know if the decisions I make for my son on a daily basis are the best ones. I constantly second-guess myself: what if I did something differently. What would the outcome have been then.
Did the cod-liver oil I gave him from the time he was 3 until a few months ago really help him? I thought I saw an immediate improvement, but was that just wishful thinking? What about those multi-vitamins?
What about the treatments I am NOT giving him? Like the gfcf diets? The super nuthera vitamins? Every therapy that other child on the spectrum is getting? Is he worse off because I am too lazy to pursue the completely preservative-free/additive-free diet?
I’ll never know, will I?
And that keeps me up at night.
Because with the little successes (huge successes in my book), come the nagging thoughts of what-ifs.
And that is being a parent, isn’t it? Making a decision for your child, the best you can, and then praying that it is the right one.
Because you can never get a mulligan and see what the other million paths lead to.